Having a baby is a life-changing event in a family. For mothers. the pregnancy and breast-feeding make huge changes in both their bodies and emotions, as well as their lifestyle and relationships.

 

The first year after a birth is likely to be the most difficult for mothers. The transition to becoming a parent can be wobbly, even when there are no complications. When things do not go as expected , parents, especially mothers, are suddenly faced with unexpected challenges, losses and anxieties.

 

After a premature birth...

There are many threads and layers of loss after a premature birth. All the expectations and dreams of a healthy baby are replaced by many feelings, including the unwanted ones of confusion, fear, anxiety, failure, guilt, anger, yearning and sadness. You may feel terribly alone and think that others do not and cannot understand what you're going through.

 

Could counselling help?

If you feel like it might help, try it. Even a couple of sessions might give you the confidence and give you the lift you need. If others are concerned about you or you experience any of the following, we recommend counselling:

 

Overpowering feelings

• being unable to get rid of chronic sadness
• feeling like a failure or unable to look after your baby
• feeling constantly exhausted or hollow
• feeling chronic worthlessness, shame or guilt
• feeling chronic anger
• feeling helpless or hopeless
• frequent tearfulness
• frequent sense of remoteness, of being separate from others
• feeling chronically confused, worried or panicky
• fear of going out alone or being alone

Troubled thinking patterns

• unable to concentrate or remember
• unable to make decisions or think through problems
• thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby
• intrusive images
• worry about being rejected by your partner

Unsettling behaviours

• sleeping too much or too little
• changes in appetite - too much or too little
• lack or motivation and energy
• not looking after yourself
• chronic loss of interest in things that would normally be interesting or pleasurable
• trouble in relationships
• nightmares
• becoming isolated
• having trouble keeping up with chores and tasks

Why get counselling?

Getting help with distress when you are a parent is not a luxury. Getting help as soon as possible will reduce the possibility that symptoms will become worse. Not only that, but you will free up to quickly focus on establishing the best possible relationship you can with your baby. Counselling creates a space where you can openly tell your story, openly describe your thoughts and feelings, and create plans to make helpful changes. You may have losses to mourn and adjustments to make that cannot be understood by others.

Counselling helps you come to terms with present circumstances. It can give you skills and strategies to cope with stress. It gives you a way to understand what has happened, how it has changed you, and how to find the lost parts of the person you were before.

 

We work on a 2-stage approach

 

First, we will work on your immediate problems. Our common aim is

• to get you feeling stabilised,
• to reduce your symptoms, and,
• to allow you to cope better.

We use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and other proven counselling/ therapeutic techniques.

Secondly, we will look at underlying causes. Our common aim is

• for you to have greater resilience in the future when problems arise
• to give you a repertoire of resilience skills
• to allow you to develop and grow.                                                                                                                                                                          

 In practice, these almost always happen together - we deal with the immediate problems at the same time that we look at their causes. The "causes" work is often deeper and and may take longer than the counselling work.